Funny – “lucu” – Funny (Joke in English)
Posted by Wahyudi English on March 26, 2008
Driver and Officer
A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.
Officer : You were speeding.
Man : No, I wasn’t.
Officer : Yes, you were. I’m giving you a ticket (surat tilang).
Man : But I wasn’t speeding.
Officer : Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man : Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk (tolol)?
Officer : Yes, you would.
Man : What if I just thought that you were?
Officer : I can’t give you a ticket for what you think.
Man : Fine, I think you’re a jerk!
by: Nick Henry, ESL teacher in Korea
A : I’m in a big trouble!
B : Why is that?
A : I saw a mouse in my house!
B : Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A : I don’t have one.
B : Well then, buy one.
A : Can’t afford one (tidak punya uang untuk membeli).
B : I can give you mine if you want.
A : That sounds good.
B : All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A : I don’t have any cheese.
B : Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A : I don’t have oil.
B : Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A : I don’t have bread.
B : Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!
by: Genti Biraci
A man is talking to God.
The man : “God, how long is a million years?”
God : “To me, it’s about a minute.”
The man : “God, how much is a million dollars?”
God : “To me it’s a penny (= satu sen).”
The man : “God, may I have a penny?”
God : “Wait a minute.”
by: Freshteh Sadeghi
Girl, like my mom
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”
Fred replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”
His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.”
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?”
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.”
The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?”
Fred replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”
Teacher : Tell me a sentence that starts with an “I”.
Student : I is the…
Teacher : Stop! Never put ‘is‘ after an “I”. Always put ‘am‘ after an “I”.
Student : OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
by: Monirul Hassan
A guy says to his friend, “Guess how many coins I have in my pocket.”
The friends says, “If I guess right, will you give me one of them?”
The first guys says, “If you guess right, I’ll give you both of them!”
The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.”
The doctor asks, “What do you mean?”
The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee – OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.”
The doctor says, “I know what’s wrong with you – you’ve broken your finger (jarimu patah)!”
by Sean McLoughlin
Big Liar Teacher
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?” One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” “You should be ashamed of yourselves (malu dengan dirimu sendiri),” said the teacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.” The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.